Mother's Day Poem Written by a Birth Child

Happy Frickin Mother's Day

I was just a toddler. You had a choice -- me or the guy who knocked you unconscious on a regular basis. You chose him and moved across the country. Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

I was a new baby. You were too busy with your "night job" to take care of me so you gave me away to a friend. Twenty months later they found me in a cardboard box during a drug raid. I was sick and dirty and had cigarette burns on my face. By the time I got to the orphanage i was so messed up that nobody wanted to adopt me for 9 years after that. Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

You dropped us off on the side of the road and said "You boys are too horrible. I can't parent you any more" and then you never did what you were supposed to do to get us back. Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

You had a choice -- drugs or us. You chose drugs. Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

I thought you were going to adopt me. I called you Mom. I took your last name. I finally convinced myself to trust you. But then you changed your mind and before I knew it I was back in the system. Happy Frickin' Mother's Day.

I know it's Mother's Day. I know I'm supposed to be nice to you because you chose me -- because you have given me a home and because you love me. But today I'm not thinking about you. So not only do I have to feel bad because the mom that gave me life didn't want me, I have to feel bad for ruining your day too. But why can't I be like everyone else? Why can't I have a Mom who looks like me? Why can't I have a Mom who kept me? Why can't I be with my blood relatives living with people of my own culture? Why do I have to walk around being different every day?

There must be something wrong with me if the person who gave me birth didn't want me.So as hard as you try to make this a good day, it won't be a good day for me. If I'm really strong I might be able to fake it. Or maybe I can make myself remember all the good things about you. But no matter how much I love you, appreciate you even, today might not be the day to ask me to say something.

Because Mother's Day is supposed to be about her and I'm supposed to be with her. And this day I feel more different than I do on any other day of the year. So don't be unhappy.... just remember I didn't choose this. I don't want to be angry or sad today -- I want to be like my friends. But I'm not.

So Happy Frickin' Mother's Day to Me. I know it's supposed to be about you, but today..... it's about her. And it's about me. And I'm not quite mature enough yet to work all this out. So for another year, just let me be me. The pressure of pretending sometimes gets to be too much. I'll do the best I can but it probably won't be good enough.

Please know, that even if I don't say it, I do love you and I'm sorry I can't do better. It's not your fault this stuff happened to me, but it's not my fault either.Someday when I'm all grown up and have it figured out, maybe then we'll have some good Mother's Days.

But someday isn't here yet, so please, Mom, hang in there with me one more time